The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I am one with the molecules
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
