were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize