That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
