can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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