i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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