I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
