can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
