i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My vagina is very pro this idea
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
