I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
