it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
