Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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