i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
