So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
