I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
