i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
