Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
