Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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