I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
