I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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