whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
