Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
