mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
