maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
