its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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