we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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