Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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