Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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