Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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