this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
