the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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