I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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