Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
