His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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