benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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