and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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