i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
