she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
