If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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