My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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