I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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