I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
