it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
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I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
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I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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