Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
All the doctor said was why
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
