my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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