im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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