i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have fence marks all over my body
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
