Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
