mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
