Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
