O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
