No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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