i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
