Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
