My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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