This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
its liver damage thursday
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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