I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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