I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
