I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
