it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it glows. i had to have it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
