I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
