He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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