You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
