You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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