you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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