I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
