if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
