but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
