My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
They are going to name an STD after you.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
