Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
