You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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