there's paper in my vomit.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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