I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
